Hollow Soul
by Adryl
Summary: What Adryl's childhood must have been like and why he left his family. A Songfic using Avril Lavigne's song, Losing Grip. Readers be warned, it is depressing! But still only rated PG because there's no detailed things (like, who exactly is that woman?)


Adryl stared up at where he knew the ceiling was. It was midnight and he was still awake. The darkness surrounded him, filled him. He took this time to look back on his life - or what he called "life". He remembered . . .  
  
Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby?  
  
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I'm not real  
  
Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you?  
  
Why'd you turn away?  
  
Here's what I have to say  
  
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there  
  
Burning with a lost stare  
  
That's when I decided  
  
He was perhaps only a year old when the woman he would have called "mother" left. He didn't know why - only for the past twenty years he'd never had one. Had he ever missed her? Adryl wasn't sure. He had no memory of her - was there anything to miss? He'd always felt that he was missing something . . .  
  
Why should I care?  
  
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared  
  
I was so alone  
  
You, you need to listen  
  
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip  
  
And I'm in this thing alone  
  
He had a father. Well . . . that was arguable. His father was there, yes, he existed. But after he contributed his little "part", the work was done for him. Adryl was around him every day. But from the way his father treated him - only people who really knew him would have guessed he was Eselred's son.  
  
Am I just some chick you place beside you to take somebody's place?  
  
When you turn around can you recognize my face?  
  
You used to love me, you used to hug me  
  
But that wasn't the case  
  
Everything wasn't okay  
  
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there  
  
Burning with a lost stare  
  
That's when I decided  
  
He was in his father's presence when they'd received word that Eselred had another child - a long lost son, by the name of Eadric. It appeared that Eselred had been busy more often that he'd ever admit. Adryl was dumbfounded at the way his father rejoiced and carried on, excited at the news. He paid more attention to a son he never knew was there than to the man who was standing right beside him. It turned out that Eadric was in charge of the family name Tudoria. Immediately Eselred ordered an alliance be offered to Tudoria - really only to gain their land and backstab them later, but only Adryl would have guessed this at the time.  
  
Eadric refused the alliance. Eselred was furious and seemed to see Adryl for the first time. He looked at him in disgust and revulsion and in his anger at Eadric, struck Adryl. Normally Adryl would have been able to bear it, but this time he wasn't expecting the blow. He was knocked to the floor. The hall was silent; the servants looked the other way, ignoring the scene unfolding before their eyes. Adryl had looked up at his father with fear, intense fear. He got up quickly and left. Over the years, his father's abuse had grown worse. Adryl felt sick; he feared the day his father would go too far and kill him.  
  
Why should I care?  
  
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared  
  
I was so alone  
  
You, you need to listen  
  
I'm starting to trip, I'm losing my grip  
  
And I'm in this thing alone  
  
Adryl had gone quickly and quietly to his room, locking the door behind him. Here the façade ended; here the mask was removed. He didn't want to be a part of the Lankshire family; he didn't want the land or the glory. What glory was there in feeling trapped in your own home?  
  
Crying out loud  
  
I'm crying out loud  
  
Crying out loud  
  
I'm crying out loud  
  
For perhaps the first time in his life, Adryl had let a stray tear find it's way down his face. But just one; he would never allow himself any more. He had to be strong - he was stronger than to cry. Wasn't he?  
  
Open your eyes  
  
Open up wide  
  
Why should I care?  
  
'Cuz you weren't there when I was scared  
  
I was so alone  
  
Why did those aides turn the other way? How could they just leave him there, on the floor at his father's mercy? Adryl shivered. He knew they'd never stop Eselred if he decided to end his own son's life.  
  
Why should I care?  
  
'Cuz you weren't there when I was there  
  
I was so alone  
  
Why should I care?  
  
If you don't care then I don't care  
  
We're not going anywhere  
  
It was now almost one o'clock. The room was still dark; the night was still silent, still tranquil. Adryl turned slightly and looked at the beautiful woman who slept peacefully beside him. Perhaps . . . perhaps he should leave. Perhaps he should go before she hurt him too.  
  
No.  
  
No, that wasn't it.  
  
Perhaps he should leave before it was him who hurt her. 


End file.
